Swapped my old 4-line pitch for a 1-paragraph story 3 weeks ago

For 6 years I was sending these long email templates to potential clients, hitting them with bullet points about features and pricing. Then last month I tested a version where I just told a 5 sentence story about how I helped a bakery in Austin double their catering orders. Response rate went from 12% to 41% over the next 3 weeks. The funny part is I accidentally sent the wrong version to a prospect and they replied saying "this is the first email from a web agency I actually read to the end." Has anyone else seen a big jump by ditching the template structure?

2 comments

2 Comments

fisher.jessica6d ago

Admit I was skeptical at first but your numbers convinced me to try something similar.

xenabutler5d ago

Tbh once you see the math work out in real time it gets kind of addictive, watch your results stack up faster than you expected. Before you know it you'll be tweaking the method to squeeze out even more.