I finally hit $100 on my first gig and felt sick about it

it's like when you buy a coffee and they hand you a receipt that somehow costs more than the coffee itself. you see the number and go "wait, that can't be right." but then you remember all the free work you did for friends and family, the "exposure" gigs, the times you quoted a price and then doubled it because you felt guilty. the first real payment just makes you see the whole pattern of undervaluing yourself, and that's a tough thing to look at. the sickness fades but the lesson sticks.